I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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