I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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