You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
