her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
