Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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