how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
