1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Green mimosas i think yes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
