I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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