i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
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