Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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