8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
