Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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