I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
