just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
