i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
