In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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