At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
