i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
