there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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