It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
