$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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