In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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