Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
