ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
