i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
