So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
