Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize