from now on my penis is your penis
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
