I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
