you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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