So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
