My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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