his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
