God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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