Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
