1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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