There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
