My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
