I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
