Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
