Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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