Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
