I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
