at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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