What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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