That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
