I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
