Got a toothbrush?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
BRING THE BAGELS
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
