Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
