JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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