Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize