I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
