So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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