Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
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im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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