I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
