if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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