yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
