The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
