When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i've created a new STD.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
