You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
