She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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