she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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