What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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