we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize