I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
