Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
