Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize