WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
it glows. i had to have it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
