hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My first STD was from a foam party
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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