The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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