I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
