Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
