you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize