sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
