We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
