Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
