Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
