Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I cut my penus on the lid.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Damn victory sex feels great
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
